Many people working in large companies speak business-buzzwords as a second language. Business language is full of pretty meaningless words. I Don’t Understand What Anyone Is Saying Anymore article tells that the language of internet business models has made the problem even worse. There are several strains of this epidemic: We have forgotten how to use the real names of real things, acronymitis, and Meaningless Expressions (like “Our goal is to exceed the customer’s expectation”). This would all be funny if it weren’t true. Observe it, deconstruct it, and appreciate just how ridiculous most business conversation has become.
Check out this brilliant Web Economy Bullshit Generator page. It generates random bullshit text based on the often used words in business language. And most of the material it generates look something you would expect from IT executives and their speechwriters (those are randomly generated with Web Economy Bullshit Generator):
“scale viral web services”
“integrate holistic mindshare”
“transform back-end solutions”
“incentivize revolutionary portals”
“synergize out-of-the-box platforms”
“enhance world-class schemas”
“aggregate revolutionary paradigms”
“enable cross-media relationships”
How to talk like a CIO article tries to tell how do CIOs talk, and what do they talk about, and why they do it like they do it. It sometimes makes sense to analyze the speaking and comportment styles of the people who’ve already climbed the corporate ladder if you want to do the same.
The Most Annoying, Pretentious And Useless Business Jargon article tells that the stupid business talk is longer solely the province of consultants, investors and business-school types, this annoying gobbledygook has mesmerized the rank and file around the globe. The next time you feel the need to reach out, touch base, shift a paradigm, leverage a best practice or join a tiger team, by all means do it. Just don’t say you’re doing it. If you have to ask why, chances are you’ve fallen under the poisonous spell of business jargon. Jargon masks real meaning. The Most Annoying, Pretentious And Useless Business Jargon article has a cache of expressions to assiduously avoid (if you look out you will see those used way too many times in business documents and press releases).
Is Innovation the Most Abused Word In Business? article tells that most of what is called innovation today is mere distraction, according to a paper by economist Robert Gordon. Innovation is the most abused word in tech. The iPad is about as innovative as the toaster. You can still read books without an iPad, and you can still toast bread without a toaster. True innovation radically alters the way we interact with the world. But in tech, every little thing is called “innovative.” If you were to believe business grads then “innovation” includes their “ideas” along the lines of “a website like *only better*” or “that thing which everyone is already doing but which I think is my neat new idea” Whether or not the word “innovation” has become the most abused word in the business context, that remains to be seen. “Innovation” itself has already been abused by the patent trolls.
Using stories to catch ‘smart-talk’ article tells that smart-talk is information without understanding, theory without practice – ‘all mouth and no trousers’, as the old aphorism puts it. It’s all too common amongst would-be ‘experts’ – and likewise amongst ‘rising stars’ in management and elsewhere. He looks the part; he knows all the right buzzwords; he can quote chapter-and-verse from all the best-known pundits and practitioners. But is it all just empty ‘smart-talk’? Even if unintentional on their part, people who indulge in smart-talk can be genuinely dangerous. They’ll seem plausible enough at first, but in reality they’ll often know just enough to get everyone into real trouble, but not enough to get out of it again. Smart-talk is the bane of most business – and probably of most communities too. So what can we do to catch it?
2,693 Comments
Tomi Engdahl says:
If you’re an engineer or programmer, you made a great career choice according to a survey by Indeed, which ranked tech jobs in seven of the top 10 slots in its latest survey.
Survey Says: Tech Jobs Are the Best Jobs
https://spectrum.ieee.org/view-from-the-valley/at-work/tech-careers/tech-jobs-best-jobs
What makes a job a really good job? Job search site Indeed defines it as a combination of salary, demand as represented by the share of job postings, and growth in the number of job postings for a particular title.
By that definition, tech jobs have generally done well.
This year, however, tech jobs claimed a whopping seven of the top ten slots, pushing out all other professions except real estate agent, dentist, and sales director.
What are Indeed’s great tech jobs? Software architect came out on top, driven by demand. Full stack developer came in second, driven by the growth in the number of job postings. Dentists and doctors, however, still top the average salary charts.
Tomi Engdahl says:
Ainainen tehokkuuden vaatimus on raskasta ja tylsyttää mielen
https://tyopaikat.oikotie.fi/tyontekijalle/artikkelit/ainainen-tehokkuuden-vaatimus-on-raskasta-ja-tylsyttaa-mielen?utm_source=fb&utm_medium=fb_postaus&utm_campaign=fb_tyopaikat
Tomi Engdahl says:
4 Easy (And More Impactful) Ways To Say ‘Thank You’
https://www.forbes.com/sites/averyblank/2018/04/17/4-easy-and-more-impactful-ways-to-say-thank-you/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Yksilö vaikuttaa tavoitteiden toteutumiseen
https://www.kooders.fi/blogi/yksilo-vaikuttaa-tavoitteiden-toteutumiseen
Tomi Engdahl says:
Vaaditko työnhakijoilta ihmeitä, joihin nykyiset työntekijäsi eivät yllä?
https://tyopaikat.oikotie.fi/tyontekijalle/artikkelit/vaaditko-tyonhakijoilta-ihmeita-joihin-nykyiset-tyontekijasi-eivat-ylla?utm_source=fb&utm_medium=fb_postaus&utm_campaign=fb_tyopaikat
Tomi Engdahl says:
”Will anyone ever want to read what you write at work?
In truth, probably not.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/04/smarter-living/your-colleagues-dont-read-anything-you-write-here-are-8-ways-to-change-that.html?referringSource=articleShare
Tomi Engdahl says:
“When you get negative feedback from any direction, there’s no question: It feels bad. But our study suggests that managers facing employee criticism can deal with that negative feeling and keep their focus on improving their creativity.”
A Subordinate’s Criticism Makes You More Creative
https://hbr.org/2020/03/a-subordinates-criticism-makes-you-more-creative?utm_campaign=hbr&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook
people reviewed negatively by a manager or a peer showed low levels of creativity—but for managers critiqued by a lower-ranking employee, the opposite was true. Their conclusion: A subordinate’s criticism makes you more creative.
Yeun Joon Kim: People typically respond to negative feedback in one of two ways: They may feel threatened, become reluctant to experiment, and get distracted from their work. Or they may identify problems with their current performance and implement better strategies for getting things done. Which way people react depends on where the feedback came from. When employees are criticized by a boss or a peer, they tend to feel threatened. But when leaders are criticized by followers—employees they manage—they’re more likely to focus on getting better at their tasks.
Tomi Engdahl says:
Retain More Employees With Stay Interviews
https://www.forbes.com/sites/billconerly/2018/07/21/retain-more-employees-with-stay-interviews/?utm_campaign=forbes&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_term=Malorie/#6d616c6f7269
Exit interviews are common but too much like talking to cows about why they left the barn. The stay interview asks why employees remain with you. The benefits are ample, argues Richard Finnegan, author of the cleverly titled book, The Stay Interview.
Tomi Engdahl says:
96% of tech employees don’t believe recruiters are best at evaluating candidates
https://www.techrepublic.com/article/96-of-tech-employees-dont-believe-recruiters-are-best-at-evaluating-candidates/
Fellow team members may be better at assessing candidates than the actual recruiters, a Blind report found.
Nearly all (96%) tech employees don’t think recruiters are the best at evaluating prospective hires, a Blind report found. The majority (66%) of employees instead said that team members would be better at recruiting candidates.
Tomi Engdahl says:
10 tapaa tuhota dialogi – tai vahvistaa sitä
https://valmennustrio.fi/itseohjautuvien-tiimien-taidot/10-tapaa-tuhota-dialogi-tai-vahvistaa-sita/
Dialogi ei välttämättä johda harmoniaan tai erimielisyyksien katoamiseen vaan ymmärryksen laajenemiseen, uuden oppimiseen tai uusien ratkaisujen tuottamiseen.
Tomi Engdahl says:
http://www.jannesaarikko.com/reversing-the-office-work/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Decision-making and change: emotion over frameworks
https://www.frantic.com/blog/decision-making-and-change-emotion-over-frameworks?utm_source=fb&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=blog11032020&https%3A%2F%2Fwww.frantic.com%2Fblog%2Fdecision-making-and-change-emotion-over-frameworks%3Futm_source=facebookad
Tomi Engdahl says:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamarruda/2019/10/14/8-things-you-should-not-to-do-in-meetings/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Näin vaikutat puheellasi, asiantuntija
https://tyopaikat.oikotie.fi/tyontekijalle/artikkelit/nain-vaikutat-puheellasi-asiantuntija
Puhetaito on asiantuntijan tärkeimpiä taitoja. Tässä puhekouluttaja Juhana Torkin parhaat vinkit vaikuttavaan puheeseen ja väittelyiltä välttymiseen.
Torkki erottaa toisistaan puhetaidon ja esiintymistaidon, joista ensimmäinen viittaa puhumisen sisältöön ja jälkimmäinen tapaan, jolla viesti esitetään.
Tiedon jakaminen ei riitä
– Moni asiantuntija ajattelee, että asiat puhuvat puolestaan, kun vaan nostan tietoni nähtäville.
Pelkkä tiedon siirto onnistuu mainiosti sähköpostilla, kun taas kasvoittain tapahtuvan puheen tulisi aina tuottaa lisäarvoa kuulijalleen.
Kasvoittain tapahtuvan puheen tärkein tavoite on Torkin mukaan vaikuttaminen.
– Hyvä puhe jättää muistijäljen, koskettaa tunteita ja motivoi toimintaan. Siten puheen tai esityksen tulisi aina aikaansaada jonkinlainen muutos kuulijoissa.
Ole selkeä ja suomenna
Vaikuttava asiantuntija käyttää puhuessaan universaalia yleiskieltä ja suosii selkokielisyyttä.
Torkin mukaan asiantuntijan tulisi välttää alansa slangia ja teknistä sanastoa ja puhua tavalla, jota tavallinen Hesarin lukija ymmärtää.
Plussaa puhekouluttaja antaa kansankielisyydestä sekä hauskoista kielikuvista, jotka rikastuttavat esitystä.
Harjoittele kuin kuntosalilla
Osuvien kielikuvien käyttö vaikuttaa usein spontaanilta innostumiselta, vaikka todellisuudessa ne saattavat olla esimerkiksi kielikuva-työpajan tuotoksia.
Ensin on laadittava harjoitusohjelma ja sitten varattava aikaa sen toteuttamiseen.
Jos esityksesi on kahden viikon päästä, varaa viikkokalenteristasi vähintään kolme puolen tunnin slottia ja käytä aika esityksen kokoamiseen, aiheen rajaamiseen ja harjoitteluun.
Mieti kuulijoiden tarpeita etukäteen
Hyvä apuväline esitykseen tulevan tiedon karsimisessa on 180-asteen kääntötekniikka.
– Käännä pelilautasi niin, kuin katsot asetelmaa vastapuolen näkökulmasta. Mieti mikä aiheessasi olisi hänen näkökulmastaan kiinnostavaa ja miten tietosi voisi vastata hänen kysymyksiinsä.
Pyydä palautetta ja kuuntele
Hyvä tapa kehittää puhe- ja esiintymistaitojaan on pyytää kuulijoilta palautetta. Torkin mukaan yleisö kiinnittää usein huomiota eri asioihin kuin puhuja kuvittelee, ja siten palaute voi yllättää.
– Väittelyyn joutumista on aina syytä välttää. Silloin on hyvä ajatella, että eri mieltä oleva ihminen puolustaa näkemystään suojellakseen itselleen tärkeitä asioita. Paras tapa ratkaista tilanne on puhua vähemmän ja kuunnella enemmän. Joskus saattaa olla hyväksi varata uusi ajankohta, jolloin keskustelua voidaan jatkaa rauhallisemmalla mielellä.
Tomi Engdahl says:
Kuinka järjestää toimiva webinaari? Lataa ilmainen kirja täältä
https://www.humak.fi/uutiset/kuinka-jarjestaa-toimiva-webinaari-lataa-ilmainen-kirja/
Kuinka järjestää toimiva webinaari? Sitä kysymystä miettii parhaillaan moni opettaja hallituksen valmiuslain sulkiessa koulut huomisesta alkaen, Miten siirrän oman opetukseni verkkoon? Miten huolehdin oppilaitteni yhteisöllisyydestä? Minkä tekniikan tai palvelun valitsen? Entäpä jos ne eivät toimikaan? Miten varaudun ongelmatilanteisiin?
Tomi Engdahl says:
Bullying, Bitterness, Backing Into Corners: 10 Things Highly Effective People Do Not Do At Work
https://www.forbes.com/sites/briannawiest/2018/04/09/10-things-you-need-to-stop-doing-if-you-want-to-be-a-more-effective-person/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Miten ohjelmistokehittäjä voi suojata itsensä taantumalta
https://talented.fi/fi/blog/miten-ohjelmistokehittaja-voi-suojata-itsensa-taantumalta/
Tomi Engdahl says:
https://www.technopolis.fi/tarinat/keskittymiskyky-tyoelamassa-aivotutkija-minna-huotilainen/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=paid-social&utm_campaign=pcr_fin_stories_traffic&utm_content=stories_keskittymiskyky-tyoelamassa-aivotutkija-minna-huotilainen
Tomi Engdahl says:
Want to be an entrepreneur? Start by visualizing your success
Hack your brain and visualize your future
https://thenextweb.com/growth-quarters/2020/03/26/want-to-be-an-entrepreneur-start-by-visualizing-your-success/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
New Evidence Indicates Intelligence Not Contagious
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/new-evidence-indicates-intelligence-not-contagious
Tomi Engdahl says:
https://www.technopolis.fi/tarinat/tyo-elamaan-10-vinkkia-tyohyvinvoinnin-edistamiseksi/
Tomi Engdahl says:
WORKING REMOTELY – TOOLS & BEST PRACTICES
https://blog.taiste.fi/en/working-remotely-tools-best-practices
Due to the current coronavirus situation, remote work will be the new norm for some time. Succeeding in this requires more than just the right set of tools – it’s also about building systems and company culture around them. Here’s how we do it.
Tomi Engdahl says:
How to Resolve Any Conflict in Your Team
A powerful approach to nonviolent communication at your company
https://medium.dave-bailey.com/how-to-resolve-a-conflict-when-both-sides-are-right-1f375bc82f7f
There are lots of different reasons for conflict at work. Sometimes it results from differing points of view; for example, technology and product might see a problem in different contexts. In other cases, it might result from personality clashes — two loudmouths with strong opinions, perhaps.
Conflicts sometimes resolve themselves peacefully, but I’m going to offer some advice for teams that want to better manage conflict and use it to drive more robust solutions and decisions. These are particularly useful for those times when conflicts are persistent, unproductive, or have reached a stalemate.
Tomi Engdahl says:
Professori: Epäpätevät miehet jyräävät yhtiöiden johtoportaassa – ja tässä on syy https://www.is.fi/taloussanomat/art-2000006463261.html
Tomi Engdahl says:
Five Questions You Can Ask Instead Of ‘How Are You?’
https://www.forbes.com/sites/amberjohnson-jimludema/2018/04/05/five-questions-you-can-ask-instead-of-how-are-you/?utm_campaign=forbes&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_term=Malorie/#578be5296836
#1. What was the best part about your day?
#2: What work is most exciting you this week?
#3: What new ideas are giving you energy lately?
#4: Tell me one thing you’ve learned recently that inspired you.
#5: What is one thing we could do right now to make this (day, project, event) even better?
Tomi Engdahl says:
PIKAISTA TOIPUMISTA! ORGANISAATION JATKUVUUSSUUNNITELMA TURVAA TOIMINNAN HÄDÄNKIN HETKELLÄ
https://blogi.valtti.com/organisaation-jatkuvuussuunnitelma-turvaa-liiketoiminnan
Tomi Engdahl says:
Embrace transformation, be ready for disruption
https://www.columbiaroad.com/blog/embrace-transformation-be-ready-for-disruption
Tomi Engdahl says:
5 Questions to Help Your Employees Find Their Inner Purpose
https://hbr.org/2017/08/5-questions-to-help-your-employees-find-their-inner-purpose?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=facebook
How can leaders help employees find meaning at work?
Organizations spend considerable resources on corporate values and mission statements, but even the most inspiring of these — from Volvo’s commitment to safety to Facebook’s desire to connect people — tend to fade into the background during the daily bustle of the work day.
What workers really need, to feel engaged in and satisfied by their jobs, is an inner sense of purpose. As Deloitte found in a 2016 study, people feel loyal to companies that support their own career and life ambitions — in other words, what’s meaningful to them.
Tomi Engdahl says:
Say These 7 Words When Employees Bring You Their Problems
https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2018/08/19/say-these-7-words-when-employees-bring-you-their-problems/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Nyt tarvitsemme tunteiden johtamisen taitoja
https://talouskriisi.fi/tunnetaidot/
Jokainen ihminen kokee jatkuvasti erilaisia tunteita. Ne vaikuttavat toimintaamme monin tavoin, halusimme tai emme. Tunneilmastoa voi johtaa, kirjoittaa psykologi, yrittäjä ja tietokirjailija Jarkko Rantanen.
Tomi Engdahl says:
Tuloksellinen etätyö by Ferrix Hovi
https://topaasia.com/tuloksellinen-etatyo-by-ferrix-hovi/
Tomi Engdahl says:
How to take care of employee experience during remote work?
https://www.motley.fi/thoughts/how-to-take-care-of-employee-experience-during-remote-work
The current situation caused by a worldwide pandemic has changed the very basics of our everyday life. Many of us are expected to stay home and work remotely. Working remotely means breaking the old habits of how we work. Employees have more autonomy and flexibility, but they might also struggle with communication and collaboration, loneliness, and overworking.
Tomi Engdahl says:
When Your Employees Are Remote, You Have To Stop The Body-In-Seat Mentality
https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2020/04/14/when-your-employees-are-remote-you-have-to-stop-the-body-in-seat-mentality/
Tomi Engdahl says:
15 skills LinkedIn says are most likely to get you hired in 2020 — plus the affordable online courses you can take to build them
https://www.businessinsider.com/online-courses-to-improve-resume-skills
Tomi Engdahl says:
Tuotteistaminen, mutta paremmalla äänenlaadulla – #MitäVattua podcast #118
https://www.kooders.fi/blogi/tuotteistaminen-mutta-paremmalla-aanenlaadulla-mitavattua-podcast-118?utm_campaign=Julkaisu%3A%20%22Tuotteistamisella%20helpotusta%20asiakkaan…%22&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=paid&hsa_acc=10202172231020759&hsa_cam=6174580195302&hsa_grp=6174580196702&hsa_ad=6174580197302&hsa_src=fb&hsa_net=facebook&hsa_ver=3
Tomi Engdahl says:
Flatten the curve – käyrän madaltamista myös työssä jaksamiseen
https://justsopivasti.com/blog/flatten-the-curve-kayran-madaltamista-myos-tyossa-jaksamiseen/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Here’s Why Ineffective Bosses Are So Hard to Fire, According to Warren Buffett
http://on.inc.com/hd5SG81
Did you ever wonder why some bosses who are beyond terrible stay in their position way too long and good employees don’t? Here’s why.
We all know the list. Great leaders are visionaries, empathetic, have high level emotional intelligence, know how to engage others, create collaboration, know how to form a kick-ass team.
So why are there so many creepy, cowardly, vindictive, just plain nasty bosses in power positions? And how, in heaven’s name, can they stay at the top of the totem pole for as long as they want?
What is exciting about today’s world, is that there is more room to speak out than in the past. It’s about you, it’s about me and it’s about time.
Tomi Engdahl says:
https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/5-traits-that-will-instantly-identify-someone-with-bad-leadership-skills.html?cid=sf01002
Tomi Engdahl says:
5 of the most important resume tips according to Google recruiters.
Google Recruiters Say Using the ‘X-Y-Z Formula’ on Your Resume Will Improve Your Odds of Getting Hired at Google
https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/google-recruiters-say-these-5-resume-tips-including-x-y-z-formula-will-improve-your-odds-of-getting-hired-at-google.html?cid=sf01002
Alternative: Reverse engineer their advice and improve recruitment at your business.
More than two million people apply to work for Google each year, which is more than 20 times the number of employees at the company at any given time.
With that kind of volume, it makes sense that Google proactively tries to tell applicants what they should do to improve their odds of getting noticed within the herd.
Google describes this as: “Accomplished [X] as measured by [Y], by doing [Z].” But just to make it easier to remember, let’s shorten it to X-Y-Z.
Tomi Engdahl says:
https://www.fastcompany.com/90488011/7-ways-of-doing-business-by-zoom-that-are-here-to-stay
Tomi Engdahl says:
https://grapepeople.fi/blogikirjoitus/tuliko-kaikkien-nakemys-esille-kokouksessa/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Koeaika on tulikoe
https://insinoori-lehti.fi/tasta-on-kysymys/koeaika-on-tulikoe/
“Mitä enemmän tekemisistäsi tiedetään, sitä vähemmän syntyy konflikteja.”
Tomi Engdahl says:
‘Why Do You Want This Job?’ Is A Trick Question — Here Is How To Intelligently Answer It
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2019/03/26/why-do-you-want-this-job-is-a-trick-question-here-is-how-to-intelligently-answer-it/?utm_campaign=forbes&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_term=Malorie/#6d616c6f7269
As an interviewee, you want to get the “Why do you want this job?” question. Compared to all of the other challenging brain teaser questions, this is the best one to use to your advantage—if you handle it the right way.
At the most basic level, an employer seeks to learn about the job seeker’s motivation to interview for a specific job. The manager desires to investigate if the applicant truly desires this position. She also wants to determine if he is merely seeking out any old job, running away from a bad situation at his current employer, solely cares about the compensation or selfishly desirous of the prestige associated with having the company’s name on his résumé and LinkedIn profile.
When an interviewer asks why you would like this particular role, she is really saying, “Here’s your chance to sell me on why you’re the right person for this position.” By framing the question in this fashion, you now have an understanding of how to craft an answer. This is the time to mentally pull out your elevator pitch. You should share specific details of how your background, experience, talents, interests, education and other attributes make you a great fit for the job and asset to the company. Respond by adding that you will be intellectually challenged and afforded the opportunity to grow your career while creating value to the organization. Offer solid reasons why the company appeals to you, including the corporate culture, its reputation, the ability to advance and any other valid details as to why you would like to work there.
Tomi Engdahl says:
FUNNY30 People Share Hilarious Job Interview Blunders They’ve Ever Had
Not sure if I should just die after this.
https://greenlemon.me/30-people-share-hilarious-job-interview-blunders-theyve-ever-had/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=ff&utm_campaign=poemporn
Tomi Engdahl says:
Doordash and Pizza Arbitrage
There is such a thing as a free lunch
https://themargins.substack.com/p/doordash-and-pizza-arbitrage
If capitalism is driven by a search for profit, the food delivery business confuses the hell out of me. Every platform loses money. Restaurants feel like they’re getting screwed. Delivery drivers are poster children for gig economy problems. Customers get annoyed about delivery fees.
Isn’t business supposed to solve problems?
For over a decade, he resisted adding delivery as an option for his restaurants.
But he had suddenly started getting customers calling in with complaints about their deliveries.
Customers called in saying their pizza was delivered cold. Or the wrong pizza was delivered and they wanted a new pizza.
Again, none of his restaurants delivered.
He realized that a delivery option had mysteriously appeared on their company’s Google Listing. The delivery option was created by Doordash.
Doordash was causing him real problems. The most common was, Doordash delivery drivers didn’t have the proper bags for pizza so it inevitably would arrive cold. It led to his employees wasting time responding to complaints and even some bad Yelp reviews.
But he brought up another problem – the prices were off. He was frustrated that customers were seeing incorrectly low prices. A pizza that he charged $24 for was listed as $16 by Doordash.
My first thought: I wondered if Doordash is artificially lowering prices for customer acquisition purposes.
My second thought: I knew Doordash scraped restaurant websites. After we discussed it more, it was clear that the way his menu was set up on his website, Doordash had mistakenly taken the price for a plain cheese pizza and applied it to a ‘specialty’ pizza with a bunch of toppings.
My third thought: Cue the Wall Street trader in me…..ARBITRAGE!!!!
If someone could pay Doordash $16 a pizza, and Doordash would pay his restaurant $24 a pizza, then he should clearly just order pizzas himself via Doordash, all day long. You’d net a clean $8 profit per pizza
He thought this was a stupid idea. “A business as successful a Doordash and worth billions of dollars would clearly not just give away money like this.” But I pushed back that, given their recent obscene fundraise, they would weirdly enough be happy to lose that money. Some regional director would be able to show top-line revenue growth while some accounting line-item, somewhere, would not match up, but the company was already losing hundreds of millions of dollars.
The Numbers
He called in and placed an order for 10 pizzas to a friend’s house and charged $160 to his personal credit card. A Doordash call center then called into his restaurant and put in the order for those 10 pizzas. A Doordash driver showed up with a credit card and paid $240 for the pizzas.
It worked.
I had visions of building a network of restauranteurs all executing this strategy in tandem, all drinking from the Softbank teat before the money ran dry, but went back to work doing content strategy stuff.
Google Hijacking and Fake Phone Numbers
Tricking businesses onto your platform and creating additional headaches for small business owners in the pursuit of Softbankian growth is a bad as it gets. Many restauranteurs were complaining about their Google listings being “hijacked” by Doordash, sometimes even usurping their own preferred delivery.
Doordash reportedly lost an insane $450 million off $900 million in revenue in 2019 (which does make me wonder if my dream of a decentralized network of pizza arbitrageurs does exist).
What is it about the food delivery platform business? Restaurants are hurt. The primary labor is treated poorly. And the businesses themselves are terrible.
This Business Insider piece did a good job covering the problematic dynamics of the industry:
As this conflict comes to a boil, one thing is becoming clear: there are no winners in this fight.
Restaurant owners are losing money. Diners are seeing their costs raised, either by delivery companies that need to pay delivery drivers or by the restaurant owners who raise prices to offset delivery fees. And delivery drivers still make low, unpredictable wages frequently with no benefits.
How did we get to a place where billions of dollars are exchanged in millions of business transactions but there are no winners?
The business of food delivery clearly is not intrinsically a loser. Domino’s figured it out. Every Chinese restaurant in New York City seemed to have it figured out long before any platform came along. My friend is figuring it out.
The more I learn about food delivery platforms, as they exist today, I wonder if we’ve managed to watch an entire industry evolve artificially and incorrectly. Arbitrage is about taking advantage of market inefficiencies and for all the newly minted day-traders out there, perhaps it’s time to start looking into frontier markets like pizza.
Note 1: We found out afterward that was all the result of a “demand test” by Doordash. They have a test period where they scrape the restaurant’s website and don’t charge any fees to anyone, so they can ideally go to the restaurant with positive order data to then get the restaurant signed onto the platform.
Tomi Engdahl says:
Three quarters of workers don’t want to go back to the office full-time
https://www.zdnet.com/article/three-quarters-of-workers-dont-want-to-go-back-to-the-office-full-time/
Even as businesses start reopening, bringing staff back to work is by no means a given.
Tomi Engdahl says:
The Big Cycles Over The Last 500 Years
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/big-cycles-over-last-500-years-ray-dalio
Tomi Engdahl says:
What screams “old” in a job interview?
https://www.quora.com/What-screams-old-in-a-job-interview
Tomi Engdahl says:
7 Successful Tips To Help Leaders Give Negative Feedback Effectively
https://www.forbes.com/sites/heidilynnekurter/2020/02/17/7-successful-tips-to-help-leaders-give-negative-feedback-effectively/
Tomi Engdahl says:
Jatkuva kilpailu ja tukahdutetut tunteet sairastuttavat meidät – vika on rakenteissa, sanoo psykoanalyytikko Pertti Simula
https://yle.fi/aihe/artikkeli/2020/05/21/jatkuva-kilpailu-ja-tukahdetut-tunteet-sairastuttavat-meidat-vika-on