Friday Fun: Warning

A suitable warning label to put to FOH

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4 Comments

  1. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Welcome to EQ Club.
    The first rule of EQ Club is: you do not talk about EQ Club.
    The second rule of EQ Club is: you DO NOT talk about EQ Club!
    Third rule of EQ Club: if someone yells “stop!”, goes limp, or taps out, the EQ is over.
    Fourth rule: only two channels to a EQ.
    Fifth rule: one EQ at a time, fellas.
    Sixth rule: the EQs are bare ear. No spectrum analyzers, no measurement microphones and no computer software
    Seventh rule: EQ tuning will go on as long as they have to.
    And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at EQ Club, you have to EQ.

    Based on Fight Club

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  2. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Ninth rule of EQ Club: trust your ears; they’re your ultimate guide.
    Tenth rule: no pre-sets allowed—every EQ must be custom.
    Eleventh rule: if the bass shakes your soul, you’re on the right track.
    Twelfth rule: treble should shine, but never pierce.
    Thirteenth rule: midrange clarity is non-negotiable.
    Fourteenth rule: never EQ in a rush—patience is key.
    Fifteenth rule: feedback is not a failure, it’s a teacher.
    Sixteenth rule: avoid the smiley-face curve unless you really know why.
    Seventeenth rule: respect dynamic range; don’t squash the life out of the sound.
    Eighteenth rule: always A/B your settings.
    Nineteenth rule: less can be more; don’t over-EQ.
    Twentieth rule: acoustics of the room matter—adjust accordingly.
    Twenty-first rule: flat response is a myth; aim for what sounds good.
    Twenty-second rule: trust but verify—use reference tracks to check your work.
    Twenty-third rule: never let a graphic equalizer intimidate you.
    Twenty-fourth rule: avoid clipping at all costs.
    Twenty-fifth rule: every EQ adjustment should have a purpose.
    Twenty-sixth rule: know your gear like the back of your hand.
    Twenty-seventh rule: don’t boost too much—cutting is often better.
    Twenty-eighth rule: monitor at different volumes to ensure balance.
    Twenty-ninth rule: if your ears are tired, take a break.
    Thirtieth rule: the Fletcher-Munson curve is real—adjust for perceived loudness.
    Thirty-first rule: experimentation breeds mastery.
    Thirty-second rule: no auto-EQ functions allowed!
    Thirty-third rule: don’t touch another member’s EQ settings without permission.
    Thirty-fourth rule: analog EQs have soul, but digital EQs have precision—choose wisely.
    Thirty-fifth rule: every genre has its own sweet spot—find it.
    Thirty-sixth rule: avoid overcompensating for bad source material.
    Thirty-seventh rule: educate yourself on phase shifts and their effects.
    Thirty-eighth rule: pay attention to crossover frequencies in multi-driver setups.
    Thirty-ninth rule: EQ can’t fix bad mixing.
    Fortieth rule: start neutral and adjust from there.
    Forty-first rule: resist the temptation to boost 10 kHz just because it sounds “shiny.”
    Forty-second rule: don’t ignore sub-bass—it’s felt as much as heard.
    Forty-third rule: remember, EQ is both science and art.
    Forty-fourth rule: minimalism is often the mark of a master.
    Forty-fifth rule: listen to live performances to calibrate your expectations.
    Forty-sixth rule: a good EQ should disappear into the sound.
    Forty-seventh rule: respect your listening environment—treat the space if needed.
    Forty-eighth rule: don’t obsess over frequency charts—trust your ears.
    Forty-ninth rule: always leave headroom for dynamics.
    Fiftieth rule: don’t neglect the low-mid muddiness—it’s often the culprit.
    Fifty-first rule: every speaker has its quirks—EQ for them, not against them.
    Fifty-second rule: stereo imaging can be shaped by EQ.
    Fifty-third rule: don’t confuse volume with quality.
    Fifty-fourth rule: know when to walk away from the EQ.
    Fifty-fifth rule: don’t crank the loudness to impress others.
    Fifty-sixth rule: trust seasoned ears, but develop your own.
    Fifty-seventh rule: EQ settings are not universal—context matters.
    Fifty-eighth rule: always have fun while tuning.
    Fifty-ninth rule: no frequency is inherently “bad”—it’s all about balance.
    Sixtieth rule: learn to identify frequency ranges by ear.
    Sixty-first rule: protect your hearing—it’s your greatest tool.
    Sixty-second rule: avoid drastic cuts unless absolutely necessary.
    Sixty-third rule: the soundstage is as important as the frequency response.
    Sixty-fourth rule: EQ with intent, not instinct.
    Sixty-fifth rule: always save your best settings for future reference.
    Sixty-sixth rule: if you’re second-guessing, you probably need to re-EQ.
    Sixty-seventh rule: don’t be afraid to start over.
    Sixty-eighth rule: respect the original artistic intent of the music.
    Sixty-ninth rule: remember that EQ is a journey, not a destination.
    Seventieth rule: never stop learning—you can always improve.
    Seventy-first rule: subtlety wins the long game.
    Seventy-second rule: the best EQ is often the one you don’t notice.
    Seventy-third rule: share your knowledge with others—it makes you better too.
    Seventy-fourth rule: every adjustment changes the whole system—listen for the ripple effects.
    Seventy-fifth rule: don’t chase perfection at the expense of enjoyment.
    Seventy-sixth rule: never let anyone tell you what “perfect” sound is—it’s personal.
    Seventy-seventh rule: bass traps are your best friend.
    Seventy-eighth rule: it’s okay to love certain frequencies more than others.
    Seventy-ninth rule: always carry a notepad for your discoveries.
    Eightieth rule: embrace the imperfections—they’re part of the charm.
    Eighty-first rule: listen widely and tune accordingly.
    Eighty-second rule: silence can teach you more than sound sometimes.
    Eighty-third rule: there’s no shame in using a parametric EQ.
    Eighty-fourth rule: never EQ while angry—it clouds your judgment.
    Eighty-fifth rule: find mentors who challenge your perspective.
    Eighty-sixth rule: don’t fear the steep curve—it has its place.
    Eighty-seventh rule: know your limits—don’t EQ for hours on end.
    Eighty-eighth rule: protect the integrity of the mix—don’t overdo it.
    Eighty-ninth rule: have faith in the music—it will guide you.
    Ninetieth rule: every EQ session is an opportunity to grow.
    Ninety-first rule: balance is always better than extremes.
    Ninety-second rule: a good EQ can make an average setup sound amazing.
    Ninety-third rule: document your favorite frequency tweaks.
    Ninety-fourth rule: accept constructive criticism—it’s a gift.
    Ninety-fifth rule: no shortcuts—learn the fundamentals.
    Ninety-sixth rule: always monitor your EQ in mono at least once.
    Ninety-seventh rule: your gear doesn’t define you—your ears do.
    Ninety-eighth rule: never stop asking “what if?”
    Ninety-ninth rule: always celebrate your progress.
    One-hundredth rule: EQ for joy—it’s why you’re here.

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  3. Tomi Engdahl says:

    101th rule: it’s meta EQ. If you don’t understand, start at rule 1 and repeat.

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