Business talk

Many people working in large companies speak business-buzzwords as a second language. Business language is full of pretty meaningless words. I Don’t Understand What Anyone Is Saying Anymore article tells that the language of internet business models has made the problem even worse. There are several strains of this epidemic: We have forgotten how to use the real names of real things, acronymitis, and Meaningless Expressions (like “Our goal is to exceed the customer’s expectation”). This would all be funny if it weren’t true. Observe it, deconstruct it, and appreciate just how ridiculous most business conversation has become.

Check out this brilliant Web Economy Bullshit Generator page. It generates random bullshit text based on the often used words in business language. And most of the material it generates look something you would expect from IT executives and their speechwriters (those are randomly generated with Web Economy Bullshit Generator):

“scale viral web services”
“integrate holistic mindshare”
“transform back-end solutions”
“incentivize revolutionary portals”
“synergize out-of-the-box platforms”
“enhance world-class schemas”
“aggregate revolutionary paradigms”
“enable cross-media relationships”

How to talk like a CIO article tries to tell how do CIOs talk, and what do they talk about, and why they do it like they do it. It sometimes makes sense to analyze the speaking and comportment styles of the people who’ve already climbed the corporate ladder if you want to do the same.

The Most Annoying, Pretentious And Useless Business Jargon article tells that the stupid business talk is longer solely the province of consultants, investors and business-school types, this annoying gobbledygook has mesmerized the rank and file around the globe. The next time you feel the need to reach out, touch base, shift a paradigm, leverage a best practice or join a tiger team, by all means do it. Just don’t say you’re doing it. If you have to ask why, chances are you’ve fallen under the poisonous spell of business jargon. Jargon masks real meaning. The Most Annoying, Pretentious And Useless Business Jargon article has a cache of expressions to assiduously avoid (if you look out you will see those used way too many times in business documents and press releases).

Is Innovation the Most Abused Word In Business? article tells that most of what is called innovation today is mere distraction, according to a paper by economist Robert Gordon. Innovation is the most abused word in tech. The iPad is about as innovative as the toaster. You can still read books without an iPad, and you can still toast bread without a toaster. True innovation radically alters the way we interact with the world. But in tech, every little thing is called “innovative.” If you were to believe business grads then “innovation” includes their “ideas” along the lines of “a website like *only better*” or “that thing which everyone is already doing but which I think is my neat new idea” Whether or not the word “innovation” has become the most abused word in the business context, that remains to be seen. “Innovation” itself has already been abused by the patent trolls.

Using stories to catch ‘smart-talk’ article tells that smart-talk is information without understanding, theory without practice – ‘all mouth and no trousers’, as the old aphorism puts it. It’s all too common amongst would-be ‘experts’ – and likewise amongst ‘rising stars’ in management and elsewhere. He looks the part; he knows all the right buzzwords; he can quote chapter-and-verse from all the best-known pundits and practitioners. But is it all just empty ‘smart-talk’? Even if unintentional on their part, people who indulge in smart-talk can be genuinely dangerous. They’ll seem plausible enough at first, but in reality they’ll often know just enough to get everyone into real trouble, but not enough to get out of it again. Smart-talk is the bane of most business – and probably of most communities too. So what can we do to catch it?

2,693 Comments

  1. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Lähes joka toinen työn­tekijä kokee tylsistymistä, ja siihen on syynä ”työ­elämän pahikset”
    Tuore tutkimus osoittaa, että työssä rassaa niin kutsuttu turha säätö.
    https://www.hs.fi/talous/art-2000010059688.html

    Reply
  2. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Here’s where founders screw up their pitch decks most often
    https://techcrunch.com/2023/12/13/fix-your-pitch-deck/

    TechCrunch
    Fundraising

    Here’s where founders screw up their pitch decks most often
    Haje Jan Kamps
    @Haje / 8:00 PM GMT+2•December 13, 2023
    Knocking a square peg into a round hole; product investor
    Image Credits: CatLane (opens in a new window)/ Getty Images
    What happens when you feed a few thousand pitch decks to an AI, analyze them all, and figure out what the most common problems are for founders trying to raise early-stage funding? Well, I decided to find out.

    A while back, I built a tool that would automatically analyze a pitch deck and give you feedback. A couple of months and a few thousand analyzed decks later, I have built up quite the library of insights for what most founders are getting right — and wrong — in their pitch decks.

    Of course, this is a tool aimed at founders who aren’t sure if their deck is any good. The sad truth is, though, usually their hunch is right. About 54% of decks have a “low” likelihood of raising funding. In this context, that means founders made fundamental mistakes in putting their decks together (e.g., they forgot a team slide or didn’t explain what they will do with the money).

    Overall, only 6% of the decks analyzed by the AI tool include all the information the AI robot is looking for. That’s not great, honestly.

    5 things most founders get right
    graph of what founders get right and wrong with their pitch decks
    Red means: ‘Fundraising would be very hard without resolving this.’ Yellow means: ‘There is an issue, that can probably be fixed with a better story or by adding / amending available information.’ Green means go. And grey means ‘this is missing from the deck’ The exception is exit strategy: Green means it’s absent (because that’s a good thing), and ‘overall likelihood of fundraising’ is an overall calculation that uses weighted scoring from the other categories. Image Credits: Haje Jan Kamps / TechCrunch

    About 90% of founders don’t include an exit strategy in their slide deck. That’s a good thing, because it’s not often that an exit slide will help you raise money.
    82% of founders have a good “solution” slide, outlining roughly how the startups wants to tackle the problem it has identified.
    62% of decks have a solid problem slide, where the team outlines what the problem is and why it is worth solving.
    60% of the decks analyzed had a decent value proposition, explaining how and why the product is delivering value to its customers.
    59% of the decks explain what the market opportunity is. In other words: How the company sees that the market might be big enough to sustain venture capital scale returns.

    Reply
  3. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Download your free Finnish Plans and Policy templates
    We’ve done the work for you so you adhere to Finnish law
    https://www.hu.ma/finnish-policy-and-plans-guide

    Reply
  4. Tomi Engdahl says:

    This situation is a very common phenomenon, known as “uniqueness marketing” or “actually nothing has changed, just different promotional methods.”.

    Reply
  5. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Nyt se alkaa. “Toimialoista eniten työpaikkoja karsitaan tekoälyn takia todennäköisesti mediasta ja viihteestä, pankki- ja vakuutusalalta sekä tavaroiden hankinnasta, varastoinnista ja kuljetuksesta. Teknologia ja -rakennusalalla tekoälyn vaikutukset ovat vähäisimpiä, kertoi Financial Times maanantaina.”

    Talous|
    Yritykset
    FT: Tekoäly johtaa työpaikkojen vähennyksiin tänä vuonna – ”Tämä on muutosten vuosi”
    Yritysjohtajista 46 prosenttia arvioi generatiivisen tekoälyn parantavan kannattavuutta vuoden kuluessa.
    https://www.hs.fi/talous/art-2000010122685.html?fbclid=IwAR1-FzRpNA15ZfPF10zhcqCBBEakHdUCQ5oWVW8YwoRXfnZFom5aN3XbrLg

    Reply
  6. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Miten aloittaa työpäivä typerästi? Taitava tekijä aloittaa typeryyden jo heti herättyään. Ota kännykkä käteen jo sängyssä ja ala selaamaan somea tai uutisia. Vielä parempi on avata työsähköposti ja työviestimet, että olisiko siellä jotain akuuttia. Tietysti niin, että vain kurkkaiset viestit, muttet käsittele niitä, jotta mieleen aukeaa mahdollisimman paljon keskeneräisiä prosesseja.

    Ylös noustua päivä on hyvä potkaista käyntiin kunnon satsilla kahvia tyhjään vatsaan. Mieluiten mahdollisimman pian heräämisen jälkeen, että et edes tiedä olisitko tarvinnut kahvia vai olisiko kroppa kenties herännyt luonnostaan päivään.

    Amatöörin ja ammattilaisen raja kulkee pannullisessa kahvia päivän ensimmäisien tuntien aikana – tämä mahdollistaa sen ettei tarvitse vettäkään juoda. Mikäli käytät lauseita “päivä ei lähde millään käyntiin ilman kahvia” tai “en pysty operoimaan ilman kahvia”, niin se on oiva merkki addiktiosta. Hauska leikki on korvata noissa lauseissa sana kahvi sanalla viina.

    Töiden ääreen päästyä tavoite on heti aamusta pirstaloida ajattelu ja päästä mahdollisimman nopeasti reaktiiviseen tilaan. Älä suunnittele mitään, edes kevyesti, vaan läväytä sähköposti ja viestimet auki. Ne avaamalla muut priorisoivat päiväsi, eikä sinun tarvitse suunnitella sitä itse.

    Mitä useamman viestintäkanavan avaat kerralla, sitä pirstaleisempaan tilaan pääset. Muutenkin kannattaa maksimoida informaatiotulva, unohtamatta multipaskausta, jotta työ tuntuu heti aamusta kaoottiselta selviytymistaistelulta.

    Tällä paletilla saat luotua itsellesi kiirettä, stressiä ja pirstaleisuutta ja pääset varsin hyvällä onnistumisprosentilla jo aikaisin aamulla taistele tai pakene -tilaan. Parhaimmillaan voit viettää siinä koko päivän.

    Vessi Junalainen
    Typerän työn tietäjä
    Typeryyden Akatemia

    Mikäli Vessin ravistelu toimisi työporukallesi pikkujouluissa tai tyhypäivässä, niin kurkkaa alta uudet, asiaa ja viihdettä yhdistävät Typerän työn valmennukset!

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0tazxNdnaM6zaTFTnQxBTE7zXAfF71NXuP5gEkPBY5m2b76XVBpbsbrVr4jkX1Q6Vl&id=100057816752974
    https://www.flow-akatemia.fi/palvelut/typeran-tyon-valmennus-ohjelmaa-tyhypaivaan-ja-pikkujouluihin?utm_source=Facebook_Mobile_Feed&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=HR+-+Typer%C3%A4+ty%C3%B6+%E2%80%93+Kirjetilaajat&utm_content=HR+-+Typer%C3%A4+ty%C3%B6+-+Tyhy+-+Kirjetilaajat&fbclid=IwAR3SUJcJbPsDbU6kwKIT3egB6ypBWA6Rg65h-wUkXJuLcw_FQ3tR0diAaDI_aem_AYokA3QJAdPpl39NrN0edmxWLSTkPtTVAt644uDh0bAO6mgoqnPcaJdSbcSaEmBriYVYmC5rjsjNrx9QJ4xXwm0A

    Reply
  7. M Zeeshan says:

    Very informative talk. The online business and trading is very good opportunity now-a-days to earn livelihood. Check more here: https://attractgroup.com/blog/digital-transformation-basics-for-traditional-businesses/

    Reply
  8. Tomi says:

    ISO on yhtenäinen hallinta- ja sertifiointijärjestelmä
    https://etn.fi/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=15793

    Reply
  9. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Kuusi supervoimaa – Nämä ovat introverttien vahvuudet työntekijöinä
    https://tyopaikat.oikotie.fi/tyontekijalle/artikkelit/kuusi-supervoimaa-nama-ovat-introverttien-vahvuudet-tyontekijoina

    Introvertti voi olla hiljainen työkaveri, mutta työntekijänä syventyvä ja aikaansaava. Introvertista et ehkä saa seuraa lounaalle, mutta hektisellä hetkellä introvertti pelastaa koko tiimin päivän ihan vain olemalla oma rauhallinen itsensä. Lue alta introverttien tyypilliset vahvuudet työntekijöinä, tunnistatko itsesi tai kollegasi?

    1. Introvertti on loistava kuuntelija

    2. Introvertti ei ylpeile suotta

    3. Introvertti ajattelee ennen kuin puhuu

    4. Introvertti suoriutuu työstä itsenäisesti

    5. Introvertti on loistava esiintyjä

    6. Introvertti pelastaa hektisen työpäivän

    Introvertin itsenäisyys näyttäytyy paitsi kykynä itsenäiseen työskentelyyn myös itsenäisenä ajatteluna.

    Reply
  10. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Steve Jobs had a ‘beer test’ he would use for interviewing people at Apple
    He wanted to get honest answers out of people and used beer to do it
    https://www.ladbible.com/news/technology/steve-jobs-beer-test-interview-240485-20240223

    Reply
  11. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Etäpalaverit ovat mainettaan parempia – Ville Talvitie käy työpaikallaan vain kerran kuussa
    Etäkokoukset säästävät aikaa, rahaa ja energiaa, sanoo työelämän asiantuntija. Ne ovat ekologisempia kuin monet läsnäkokoukset.
    https://yle.fi/a/74-20074898

    Reply
  12. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Tell me about a time where you let your team down, what you learned from that experience, and what you do differently now.

    This and my other suggestion get at leadership. Yes, technical qualifications and skills are great, but in an ME, I need a leader. Someone who can own their own failures and learn. Someone who can coordinate well within their department, between departments, and with a client

    Reply
  13. Tomi Engdahl says:

    It-alallakin aiemmin yleisen sopimuksen rinnalle tuli uusi kielto
    Aleksi Kolehmainen14.3.202412:55|päivitetty14.3.202413:11TYÖELÄMÄ
    Kilpailukieltojen käyttö on vähentynyt, mutta työnantajat ovat löytäneet uuden tavan rajoittaa työntekijöiden siirtymistä toisen työnantajan palvelukseen
    https://www.tivi.fi/uutiset/it-alallakin-aiemmin-yleisen-sopimuksen-rinnalle-tuli-uusi-kielto/7103d36d-570e-46bf-846a-2f85cb78b5f3

    Reply
  14. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Why Hands-on Experience Matters

    “I don’t think you can design anything in this industry, to the highest possible standard, without having prior hands-on experience. I have seen numerous instances on large well-known projects where a designer specified ‘xyz effect / systems / experience’ only to have it either be a waste of time, money, or that was never used because it failed to accomplish its’ expected mission.”
    - Ian Hoffer

    https://plsn.com/articles/ld-at-large/why-hands-on-experience-matters/

    Reply
  15. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Nämä fyysiset oireet voivat paljastaa, että alat olla liian kovilla
    Olemme kaikki stressin suhteen kokemusasiantuntijoita, kirjoittaa tutkija Salla-Maarit Volanen uutuuskirjassaan.
    https://www.is.fi/terveys/art-2000010301575.html

    Reply
  16. Tomi Engdahl says:

    It-alallakin aiemmin yleisen sopimuksen rinnalle tuli uusi kielto
    Aleksi Kolehmainen14.3.202412:55|päivitetty14.3.202413:11TYÖELÄMÄ
    Kilpailukieltojen käyttö on vähentynyt, mutta työnantajat ovat löytäneet uuden tavan rajoittaa työntekijöiden siirtymistä toisen työnantajan palvelukseen.
    https://www.tivi.fi/uutiset/it-alallakin-aiemmin-yleisen-sopimuksen-rinnalle-tuli-uusi-kielto/7103d36d-570e-46bf-846a-2f85cb78b5f3

    Reply
  17. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Vain joka kymmenes kesätöitä hakenut nuori vastaa puhelimeen, kun Annu Jantunen yrittää kutsua haastatteluun
    Nuorten tavoittaminen on vaikeutunut, kertovat kesätyöhakemuksia käsittelevät työnantajat. Juuri nyt olisi aika vastata puhelimeen, sillä hakemuksia käsitellään parhaillaan.
    https://yle.fi/a/74-20079145

    Reply
  18. Tomi Engdahl says:

    4 PRESENTATION TIPS
    As a general guideline, aiming for approximately 1 to 2 minutes per slide is a practical approach. This translates to a range of 15 to 30 slides for a half-hour presentation.
    https://www.magicslides.app/blog/how-many-slides-for-a-30-minute-ppt
    ten slides
    This rule states that the “perfect” presentation has ten slides, lasts for 20 minutes, and uses a 30pt font.
    https://buffalo7.co.uk/blog/how-many-slides-powerpoint-presentation/

    Reply
  19. Tomi Engdahl says:

    “Today’s consumers have very little willingness to pay more for a product simply because it’s sustainable.”

    According to Nanna Gelebo, Partner at BCG in Stockholm, the current economic pressures have made consumers hesitant to pay extra for sustainability.

    However, consumers are willing to pay for products of superior quality.

    We spoke to Nanna about the art of embedding sustainability at the core of business strategy, the role of leadership in fostering change, and how consumers play a part in this journey.

    Click below for the full insights.

    It’s time for retailers to ensure sustainable options are better and profitable.
    https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/its-time-retailers-ensure-sustainable-options-mz7lc/?trackingId=BlgEBSu4NM0bXRH2VwU8ZA%3D%3D&linkId=382877211&fbclid=IwAR2NcNXh8F8T07i2JMNZ5JX85azkE9ciR3SpyBIZ1XYnUm-2biqDE4B_Ecw_aem_AaNn1IsjIV-rx7gW1KO1pyIlsrKTVNCJNY5rJ7DiOx0blay0Fwv0Y3ZSWjQfnfYVOhZGPN-ptsiYxroEBie9gVfJ

    Reply
  20. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Pharmaceutical giant Bayer is getting rid of bosses and asking nearly 100,000 workers to ‘self-organize’ to save $2.15 billion
    https://fortune.com/europe/2024/04/11/pharmaceutical-giant-bayer-ceo-bill-anderson-rid-bosses-staff-self-organize-save-2-billion/?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&xid=soc_socialflow_facebook_FORTUNE&utm_campaign=fortunemagazine&fbclid=IwAR2Td1RYLvRntwQ15F6XVKT8rCnMhBAYz4XSSQxuvowUx7xCN6hQWlpH6tI

    In a bid to claw back $2.15 billion, the struggling pharmaceutical giant Bayer CEO is doing away with middle managers and 99% of the company’s 1,362-page corporate handbook, allowing nearly 100,000 employees to self-manage.

    Bayer, the 160-year-old German company known for inventing aspirin, has been stuck in a rut: Its market cap has plunged to two-decade lows—spurred by its so-far disastrous acquisition of Monsanto—and its CEO Bill Anderson believes that flattening hierarchy and slashing corporate bureaucracy could be key to turning it around.

    When Anderson took the helm last June, he learned that the company’s rules and procedures handbook was longer than War and Peace. It’s why, he says, when he listened to feedback from the firm’s workforce, the same complaints surfaced repeatedly.

    “They basically said: ‘Increasingly, we can’t get anything done,’” Anderson told Business Insider. “It’s just too hard to get ideas approved, or you have to consult with so many people to make anything happen.”

    “We hire highly educated, trained people, and then we put them in these environments with rules and procedures and eight layers of hierarchy,” Anderson added. “Then we wonder why big companies are so lame most of the time.”

    So, the company is going boss-less, or as he calls it, moving to “dynamic shared ownership.”

    Whether or not it’s a fancy metaphor for a headcount reduction, Anderson has insisted that this new way of working could be revolutionary. “We don’t have to be that good to beat the current system,”

    In the coming years, Bayer’s workforce will consist of constantly evolving “5,000 to 6,000 self-directed teams” that work together on projects of their choosing for 90 days, before regrouping for their next project.

    Employees of Bayer’s consumer health division have already gotten a taste of this new structure—they’re being shown how to practically sign off on one another’s ideas without a manager in sight.

    “Stand up, share an idea,” a corporate trainer ordered them during a training session,

    “badly broken.” But looking ahead, he wrote in Fortune that “our radical reinvention will liberate our people” while saving the company about €2 billion ($2.15 billion) in annual organizational costs by 2026.

    But cutting out middle management is nothing new
    It’s not clear exactly how many managers will be laid off or demoted (Bayer didn’t respond to Fortune’s request for comment). However, the Journal reported that 40% of management positions are headed for the chopping block in the U.S. pharmaceutical division alone.

    In fact, middle managers—defined as nonexecutives who oversee employees—made up almost a third of layoffs last year.

    “I don’t think you want a management structure that’s just managers managing managers, managing managers, managing managers, managing the people who are doing the work,” Zuckerberg told staff in an all-hands meeting.

    After laying off thousands of workers, the billionaire tech entrepreneur said that “flattening” its internal hierarchy was core to its restructure—and he credited Elon Musk as the source of inspiration behind having “fewer layers of management.”

    Meanwhile at Google—where more than 30,000 managers are employed—12,000 people lost their jobs, and at Intel, managers’ pay was slashed. Even beyond the tech industry, layoffs at Citi and FedEx have massively impacted managers.

    Reply
  21. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Steve Jobs adopted a no ‘bozos’ policy and said the best managers are those who never wanted the job—here are his 3 best management tips
    https://fortune.com/2024/02/24/steve-jobs-management-advice/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&xid=soc_socialflow_facebook_FORTUNE&utm_campaign=fortunemagazine&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2hg8VKqSHyx-SkYcONbyTErySKz3tYwYGSQtgFn5t44zqidGIJLT9KsJo_aem_AcgVTw1n_scmqsiRNvsi1yy9fGXtxLjEz4Hh4yPFcCpEBNkfP5VNE3mpkqGzM7pbrA-g-L9SBkrVCOK1ST21Q7M-

    When Jobs and Apple’s other cofounders, including Steve Wozniak, first realized how big their company would be, they decided to go out and hire what they called “professional management,” or folks who just knew how to manage people. But it quickly backfired.

    “It didn’t work at all,” Jobs said in a mid-1980s interview. “Most of them were bozos. They knew how to manage, but they didn’t know how to do anything.”

    Jobs’ comment gets at the crux of a central debate in management: whether managers should actually want to be managers or not. Jobs argued the people who were least expecting to be leaders ended up being the best managers in the long run. That’s because other employees were more likely to actually learn something from them because they’ve mastered that skill—rather than focusing only on management techniques.

    Reply
  22. Tomi Engdahl says:

    Brooks warned new graduates against two common but “terrible” pieces of advice: 1) “Go find a job that you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life” and 2) “Go save the world.”

    Harvard happiness expert says these 2 common pieces of job advice are ‘both terrible’
    https://www.cnbc.com/2023/05/16/harvard-happiness-expert-arthur-brooks-the-2-job-tips-that-are-both-terrible.html?utm_content=Main&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=facebook%7Cmain&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0txs6CnACKbkfO4qbJ8J_6di19pShOzsJKb8qF7RzdxQTdelRAN7fd-G8_aem_AaCEPFxD_qo26PCQaOMd7qW7fa693HJpzJ_mM8sCUGVc4VUXfAItpJeOsyj0sRf4plVXAnNJbMw5gQuCexPRxnM7

    To the first, he said, “Good luck with that. It’s a great way to ruin your life.” He explained that expecting a job to be fun all the time will set you up to hate any job — when the work inevitably becomes difficult and not fun.

    Brooks scoffed at the second: “No pressure.” To expect your day job to solve the world’s myriad problems is another recipe for disappointment, he said.

    Reply

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